


In Reality

by PerksOfLove



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: F/M, Triggers, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-14 07:25:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1257886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerksOfLove/pseuds/PerksOfLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing's fine and you really aren't okay at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Please please please This contains messages of self-harm and depression, if this triggers you or upsets you please do not read this. If you need someone to talk to about anything, you can talk to me here: http://enternalwanderlust.tumblr.com/ask

You’re asleep in bed when Luke gets there, pushing through the front door as your mum talks quietly on her phone in the kitchen. He waits as she finishes up, leaning against the door frame.

“Hey Darl, sorry about that, it’s good to see you.” She smiles “There is enough food in the cupboard for something nice for dinner but I left some money on the bench if you want takeout. We’ll be back on Monday morning, you’re more than welcome to stay as long as you call your mother alright? She’s in her room.” Your mum explains as she tidies up her afternoon tea, grabbing her bag by the door, she pulls him into a hug before turning to leave, turning abruptly to look back at him. “Look after to her okay” She says, readjusting the strap on her bag. “I always do.” Luke whispers, the corner of his mouth sliding into a slight smile.

  
Locking the door behind her he makes his way to your room, inside his eyes falling straight to your curled up figure on the bed. He spots your school bag and shoes dumped in the corner, uniform nowhere to be seen. Dropping his bag he sits down by you, a small smile on his face as he spots his hoodie wrapped around you, remembering when you confessed to pulling it on whenever you needed him. He reaches out running a hand down your back, finger itching to brush your dishevelled hair out of your face but resisting.

“Hey Angel” he whispers as you come too, eyelids fluttering as you realise the person you’ve needed to most all day is sat in front of you. Body still lethargic from your sleep you sit up slowly, arms wrapping around Luke’s torso, moving yourself into to his warmth, you feel safe as he draws you in, kissing your forehead as he finally brushes your hair out of your face, heart falling as he spots your red eyes. “Thank you” you murmur hoarsely into his neck, fingers clutching into his shirt.

  
“How about we run a bath?” he asks, feeling as you freeze under him, “Luke,” you whisper, forehead resting heavily on his shoulder “I’m not, I can’t…” “Angel look at me,” he sighs, fingers tracing your jaw “Whatever you’re thinking, I’m not going to judge you, you’re beautiful okay and I’ll love you no matter what. I’m here because I hate seeing you like this, it’s going to be hard but we’ll get there okay.” You look up at him, feeling small as you notice his watering eyes, “Okay.” He smiles at you, kissing you before he pulls you up, leading you to your bathroom.

  
He lifts you up onto the bench, twisting the tap as water gushes into the tub, squirting soap into the water. “Stay here for a minute okay.” You nod as you watch him walk out of the room before returning with a bag. You watch curiously as he pulls out candle after candle, placing them around the room. “I figure it would be better than having the lights on” he mumbles, cheeks colouring as he begins to light them. When he’s finished he turns to you, placing a stack of towel behind you before pulling you off the bench he leans over to turn the tap off.

  
He reaches out for the bottom of his hoodie with shaking hands slowly pulling it up over your head, hair falling over your shoulders as you cheeks flare as he pushes you pyjama pants off your hips, leaving you standing in your underwear. “You’re so beautiful” Luke sighs as he kisses your forehead, moving to pull off your underwear he stops. You close your eyes as his fingers trace softly across the raised red line on your hip. You hear him sniff before removing the rest of your clothes.

  
He helps you into the bath, watching as the candlelight flickers across you pale skin, before undressing as you settle into the water which rises up your chest. He stepping in behind you he sinks into the warm water, squirting soap onto the loofa as he washes you. You relax into him, letting his work around you, hands massaging your scalp as he washes you hair, using a cup to wash the surds out. When he’s finished he pulls gently so you sit sideways across the tub.

  
“When?” he asks sadly, playing with your shaking fingers. “Last week” you whisper, voice shaking. “And your parent’s didn’t notice?” he asks cautiously. “They’re always at work or doing something, it’s pretty easy to hide from them when they’re always busy” you whisper, watching his hands. “It was just once right, you haven’t?” “No, no I haven’t done it again.” You reply as he sighs in relief. He’s silent for a minute “do you think about doing it often Angel?” he asks so quietly you almost can’t hear him, his fingers stilling, watching you carefully. You nod, “I, um I’ve tried before I just couldn't do it, but sharp things make me think about it. I’m just not um able to physically do it.” You whisper, tears falling slowly down your cheeks. “What do you mean you can’t do it?” he asks cautiously. “I um, I don’t have a real reason too Luke, I’m not being bullied, I have friends, I’m not in an abusive relationship or have parents who are going through a divorce. My problems aren't big enough to have to come to that” you cry, “I feel _guilty_ , they all have it so much worse than me.”

  
“Angel,” Luke cries, eyes watering as he pulls you to his chest “You have such a big heart, but don’t ever say your problems aren’t big enough okay, if they’re enough to make you want to hurt yourself then they’re plenty big okay sweetheart.” He pulls you head up to look at him gently, “You’ve got to realise just because your parents aren’t divorcing or I don’t hit you doesn’t mean you don’t have problems okay. You and I both know although you think the problems with your friends are just in your head, that’s because most of it actually happens in reality Angel and you know that, you just don’t want anyone to get hurt or upset or leave and that relates back to your self-confidence issues which affect a lot of things in your life including this and your body image okay Angel.” “Okay” you exhale looking back up at your boyfriend, eyes red, tear falling down his cheeks.

  
“I’m sorry” you whisper, wiping away the falling tears from his cheeks. “No, no don’t apologise sweetheart, we’re going to get you through this okay, and we’ll make everything right again okay. You, Me, the boys and your friends I hope, we’re going to help you as much as we can, but I need you to agree to this okay, I can’t help you if you don’t want to get better alright and it’s going to be hard but we can do this okay, I’m not losing you.” He whispers intensely. “I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be here beside you throughout this all, I just need you to try okay Angel.” He says desperately watching you as you process it all. “Okay, yes whatever it takes, I love you so much Luke I can’t tell you how much I need you.” You hug him, arms wrapping around his shaking form, as you run your fingers through his hair. “Thank you, thank you Angel we can do this okay, I love you always.”

***

Once you get out of the bath and all the candles have been put out, Luke leads you back to your room, dressing you in his shirt and your pj pants before leading you to the kitchen. “I’ll make you some tea and we’ll put a movie on or something yeah?” he asks grabbing a cup. You nod, pulling yourself up to sit on the bench, feet resting against the handles of the cupboards as you watch him potter around to make the tea. He flips the kettle on before walking over to you, pulling your feet down off the handles so he can step between your legs, he kisses your nose before wrapping his arms around you as if you’ll disappear at any moment. He pulls back when the kettle’s done, leading you across the lounge with him before sitting you done on the couch. He puts on your favourite movie before lying down on the couch, as you rest against his chest.

  
You wake up an hour later to several knocks at the door, you sit up as Luke stand to get it, dropping a kiss on your forehead before he goes. You hear muffled talking before the door shuts again. “Hey y/n” Ashton calls quietly walking into the lounge, the other boys following him quietly, Luke walking in behind them. You smile slightly at them, standing up to give them all a hug. “Hi guys” you say as Calum lets you go, “What are you doing here?” “We thought we’d make you two dinner and we wanted to see you!” “And by that you mean?” You ask slowly. “We went to see Luke and Liz told us he was here and to bring some of the food she’d made around and stay the night to keep an eye on both of you!” Calum say quickly as you laugh. “I thought so, what did you bring us?” you ask sitting at the table.

  
Once you’ve finished dinner, you and the boys pile onto the couch to watch another film before bed. You fall asleep half way through though, leaving time for the boys to talk. “What happened Luke? She looks drained” Michael asks quietly. “She um, She cracked” he explains lowly, eyes tracing your face, long fingers running through your hair. “When you say she cracked Luke you mean she-“Ashton whispers. “She physically hurt herself Ash, she was so upset she hurt herself. I’m supposed to look after her and make sure she’s safe, how did I let this happen?” He croaks. “H-how am I supposed to help her, she said she thinks about whenever she’s holding sharp objects how, what do I do?” he looks down at you, wiping away the tears that had fallen onto your porcelain skin. “We get her the help she needs okay Luke, you can only help her so much alright, she needs to see someone who deals with this on a daily basis okay. This isn’t either of your faults okay, but we can get through this together.”


End file.
